I saved two worms today and a man,
And one of the worms was thankful.
The other worm chided me on the way I spoke.
It seems that he is the reincarnation of the grammar police,
And he told me that you don't "scratch" an "itch."
You "itch" a "scratch,"
For that's how it was 4000 years ago,
When itch was a verb,
And scratch was a noun, and always so.

He said every language that was around today
Was just aberration of a good grammar from yesterday,
And that we'd standardized the spelling quite wrong(ly?).
English is poor German slang,
Italian, a lazy Vulgate form
Of Latin, and Latin just an uninformed Greek.
He said that if I'd take a peek into ancient mythologies from around the world,
I would see that all the sky fathers
Had the same basic word as their names:
Deus, Zeus, Zeus'pater--Jupiter,
From Mayan, Peruvians, Chinese.

So if you want to be a snob and look
For mistakes others say,
Such as "tooken" for "took,"
I'm sure this worm needs disciples for his academy.
But I think if our ears are clean and sweet,
We can understand what others want to say,
And as for me, I'm simply going to eat
My words before I say them
And hope that they stay down
After all of this,
For I have yet to tell you what the man said.

-jenn