I was acetically acidifying my red lentils
When a late night guzzler tottered in.
He glared at me and my plate
And said, "I hate ta tell ya this,
But them frijoles don't look right."
He argued with me for a spell
Although I never said a word.
Finally I did say, "Have you been drinking gin?"
"Whiskey!" He yelled and then went on
To call me 40 names for a tea-totaller!
(Although he left out my preferred one--ascetic!)

"You don't know your liquor," he muttered.
"And you know what THAT means."
"No, I don't," I said, "And I don't care.
But you don't know beans
From lentils,
Although that probably doesn't matter either."

-jenn