I’m going back to college...

I’m going back to college.

This time I’m ready to go.

This time I won’t get homesick.

This time I won’t fall

For all the false advertising.

I’m going back to college. 

This time when they say

I have to live at least one semester 

In the dorm, I’ll neigh like a horse

And find myself a stall in a barn.

I’m going back to college.

This time I won’t gain

The freshman fifteen from eating 

All that garbage.

This time I won’t listen

When all my learned professors 

Subtly tell me who I should vote for,

(And not so subtly tell me that I should use the word ‘whom’ in that previous sentence).

I’m going back to college. 

This time I won’t date,

Or even tease my brain 

To think that I could find a mate there.

I’m going back to college. 

This time I won’t call 

My parents to tell them that I’m homesick. 

I won’t call at all.

I won’t learn, and I won’t try,

Much less make straight A’s.

I won’t attend my classes.

I’ll let myself cry!

I’ll throw away my reading glasses!

I’ll wander off into the forest

And live there by myself

Until I can exist in a self sufficient way

That aligns with the nature of this planet.

And if I survive,

And if a happen to find 

Someone else who wants to live this same way too,

Then we will nest

And have a brood of children

And guide them in the bare necessities 

Of existential living without a word,

But just by doing so.

I’m going back to college, 

The college of the woods,

Because I think unlearning a lot of things

Would do me a lot of good.

-Love,

     jenn