We all have a person 

Who plays us for things we don't want to do.

We get to decide if we show up or not.

Our stand-in doesn't get to choose.

I have a person who plays me.

She shows up with a smile.

She goes through the motions

And pretends to like 

Whatever's going on for a while.

But if something starts to drag on too long,

She falls out of character and slips

Into her union-thug stunt-double mentality.

Hands on hips, her eyes get sullen and unsympathetic,

And if she starts tapping her foot,

Everyone should run.

So if you want me

To show up for your party,

Your dinner, your little soirée,

Don't you worry about what it will cost,

Because I never want to be paid.

But I don't like to be patronized,

And I really hate to be bored,

And I can spot a stand-in from a mile a way,

So please, don't send yours to me,

And I won't send mine to you.

-jenn