I’m going to wake up when I fall asleep. 

I’m going to sleep when I wake. 

I close my eyes to see.

I open my heart.

I’m going to dream another life

That I’m living as we speak,

Some other life I live on another plane,

Where all my treasures are.

I’m going to live when I die.

I’m going to die when I live.

I’m going to wake when I fall asleep. 

I’m going to sleep when I wake.

Ill take the treasures that I keep

On the other plane

And toss them out like candy thrown 

From a float in a parade

To the children.

This is a stepping stone life,

A beautiful hop like a frog, like a frog,

A beautiful droplet in the great fog of the age.

But there is a plane,

A stage,

Where I rule and reign

And dress like a queen, 

And my treasures are there.

I’ll have them again in another way,

Somewhere else,

Some other day.

I have them a different way, today.

Everything’s going to be okay.

Everything is.

Everything is.

Everything always is.

-jenn

 The thought of a sacred word

Is a city on a shining hill,

A citadel

Of love and compassion,

Brothers and sisters

In pure mission for the human condition to improve,

In love and care for one another.

The thought of a sacred word,

We chant the rhythm, first, in unison,

And then, in eclectic harmony,

Until the word is a symphony 

Of complex sentences that rise up

On the sea of human consciousness.

We think the sacred word in peace

And hum

The mystic tune placed in our own breasts

So long ago,

So here and now,

And the lines disappear again.

We regain our majesty

In the privacy of the all in all,

The mantra, the mind,

The very thought

Of the sacred word.

-jenn

 You pretend to fear the snake,

But you jack off, ejaculate.

Who do you pretend to love?

Who do you impersonate?

I shake the branches violently,

But, “It’s not time,” you say,

“For trees to give their mangoes

To the ground.” But time is but

A profound sea, a cloak of teeming mystery,

Of fishes coming to the top,

To feed on water-walking bugs.

Why can’t I come to walk with you?

Or to the top to eat with blue fishes?

Why can’t I come?

Why can’t I come with you?

The I hear you softly say,

“You are with me always,

And likewise, I with you.”

-jenn

 I longed for a push  in the right direction. 

I longed for a touch from you,

But the wind blew.

By day I walked The Starry Night,

By night, The Red Vineyard at Arles,

The beauty almost horrified me

Until the Swallows came and flew beside me.

I’m far away,

But not alone,

And even here, in the asylum,

Art is done,

Inspiration.

The beauty almost horrifies me,

But instead, I pick up your brush,

And pick up my head,

And pen the raw truths I find around me.

I’ve moved

From wanting you

To living here instead,

And loving the flow of the wind that blows me.

There is so much more ahead,

Scenes to paint, stories to tell.

The beauty has gotten deep inside me,

(Sometimes it still horrifies me!) but

Limiting beliefs have nothing more

To do with me, with or without you,

I will be picking up my pen,

Writing again, 

Shining through The Sunflowers,

Loving the wind,

And letting the wind love me.

-jenn

If there is not a word for this,

Make one up.

I read a beautiful word in Sanskrit.

It took a paragraph of English to explain it’s worth.

I tried to write a song about you.

I’ve had to reword it.

There’s a feeling I have inside.

It tries to hide,

But it can’t.

I smile as I try to find a word for it.

No one’s ever heard of it.

I’m going to have to make one up.

Let’s make up words tonight

For things we’ve barely heard of.

Anything is possible.

We can reinvent ourselves

And all the foibles of the galaxy,

And make up words to cover it all up.

Let’s get deep under the covers,

Love all over one another

Until the new words start to bubble up inside us,

Until they pop like corks on champagne bottles,

And then we can celebrate them properly, 

And ourselves, without the grief.

Ahhhhhhh, the sweet relief of love

And made up words.

-jenn

 People want to scare me with death.

I’m dead already,

People talking ill of me without any fear of penalty.

Others put me on a pedestal,

The ashes burned from effigy,

My urn, my all,

Except my soul.

I smile.

What else can I do?

I’m coming to haunt you,

And I will

Til you come and live with me,

Disembodied,

Out of control,

And happy,

As a leaf blowing off its tree.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

I’ve got nothing but time for you now.

How do you feel?

Hey! Wait!

People don’t speak ill of the dead,

So maybe I’m alive, I guess?

I’m gonna haunt you anyway!

Til you come and live with me!

Out of control and happy

As a leaf blowing off its tree.

-jenn

 I am still surging on my protector.

My eyes still swinging to unwind 

From being so screwed up,

Wound tight on the Maypole

Lodged deep in the back of my head,

From trying to keep an eye on you.

I gave up when I saw

That look on my face in the mirror,

And recognized it as the spurned look of my mother.

Then I went crazy.

I never want my mouth to hang agape like that again.

Suddenly I hear the pow wow going

Up inside my head.

I turn my back on this world that cannot love enough.

My feet join the music in the air,

The magic drumbeat.

I rejoin the dance of the great medicine wheel of the sky.

All the narcissistic fleas of the western civilization 

Fly off me as I spin.

I’m set free from the contempt 

Of the white man and his ways,

Beating his wife for mere sexual pleasure.

Cicero and Aristotle can no longer shock me,

Choosing their own emptiness 

Over sharing this happiness with me,

Cheating on me with the government,

Turning my love to commodity,

Selling me out on the streets .

I am free

And whole,

At peace,

Dancing again,

Above their law,

Impossible to restrain.

-jenn

 Have I become brave enough 

To let the divine ability 

That lives so hidden in my heart

Act through me,

To say with boldness,

Spontaneously, 

The lines

The Divine One penned for me?

In this play,

He wants me to say some interesting things.

They sound bizarre to me,

But, in faith, I speak them,

And suddenly,

I’ve been set free to finish the scene with artistic flair.

Something original is seeping through here,

Some new intangible brewing.

A new creation that I see

Is living here, inside of me,

In ecstasy,

And in harmony with love

And true elation.

Kiss me

While I want to be kissed,

Love me like you mean it,

While I’m still coming around

To the complete lack of resistance 

I have for you,

And the orgasmic existence 

That electrifies me

In this happy state of consciousness.

-jenn

 Is there a difference between good and bad

Some say yes

Some say no

Is there a difference between water and snow

But there is a difference between the revealed and the revealer

If you can’t get over yourself 

I’ll get around you

I want to see you

Who it is revealing these things

Not the misleading triflings you fling to distract the world

I am not the world 

I am your lover 

I will find you in your glorious nakedness 

Sprawled in your deepest desire

And meet you there at  the lines that love has drawn

I will fulfill your dreams and satisfy your deepest longings 

-jenn

 Joy filled amazement is my gift.

I remember recognizing it when I was five,

The first time I saw a baby horse being born.

It slipped out onto the cold barn floor,

And in just a minute it could stand,

Though, so awkwardly,

Comically, it walked at first,

But within ten minutes,

It burst around with speed,

And in three short years,

It had become a full grown steed,

While I was yet considered but a child.

The world is full of wild and wooly things,

Mild vegetables and zingy strings,

But bells ring through and through my heart

To awaken me from my dull sleep

And the illusion of drudgery.

And here we are,

Together again.

-jenn

 I always wondered why it didn’t bother her,

My twin, when men called her “young lady,”

The way it bothers me,

Or the wrinkles on our chins,

Or the grays that are starting to grace our noggins.

Without me asking

She answered one day,

“You probably don’t remember, 

But I was born with gray hair.”

She stared somewhere 

Very far away.

“Yours was black.

Mine was white as snow.

Yours started to grow in,

A pale golden tow,

And mine did, too.

But I’ve always been old,”

My twin told me.

“You’ve always been young. 

I’ve understood the ways of age,

And you, the ways of youth,

But now I’m starting to forget what I knew,

And you, you’re starting to understand. 

Take my hand again,

And let’s be best friends,

While the fates spin what’s left

Of our twisted tale.

Well be identical by the time it ends,

Just as we were,

Indistinguishable 

In the womb.”

-jenn

 We have sex with our pants on now

It's better this way 

We both take our shirts off

And wrestle around

Til it almost hurts

Then he drops a load in his Levis

And I drop a load in mine

It's separate but equal

There's no glass ceiling

The level of separation keeps us from feeling

Too attached, too integrated

To be offended by the segregated water fountains

Labeled His and Hers

And Theirs

And there’s never a question of wearing masks

But if I lose my bearings 

And forget to ask

Have condoms been mandated too?

-jenn

 Washing my brain

Washing my brain 

On the scrub board of things

That cannot be explained 

I see a beautiful geometry beyond the sun

One circle, pale ice blue,

Two dark evergreen pyramids 

Pointing in,

One transparent square,

So plain, and yet, so cosmically comical.

I laugh.

I find life funny.

I’m happy again,

And wander away 

And wonder who to share it with?

Will anyone else find it true?

Maybe it’s not?

I’ll share it with you.

Have you ever thought 

How funny life is?

-jenn

 We have sex with our pants on now

It's better this way 

We both take our shirts off

And wrestle around

Til it almost hurts

Then he drops a load in his Levis

And I drop a load in mine

It's separate but equal

There's no glass ceiling

The level of separation keeps us from feeling

Too attached, too integrated

To be offended by the segregated water fountains

Labeled His and Hers

And Theirs

And there’s never a question of wearing masks

But if I lose my bearings 

And forget to ask

Have condoms been mandated too?

-jenn

How regal, how royal,

Like a noble hound thou art,

Who stands at point,

And picks one foot up snootily

Off the ground before 

He sticks his nose where it 

Doesn’t belong and sniffs.

Get a whiff, you parvenu!

When the rooster benedicts,

Crows his good wishes

So early in the morning,

And so loudly,

Is it verily a blessing?

Is it love you have for me

Or an obsession,

A ritual you must go through?

A funeral you must attend?

A penchant for emotional intoxication?

A leg up on the need to recreate 

The sick stomachache of abandonment you crave?

I’m not going to feed you, anymore,

So go and howl at someone else’s door.

You parvenu!

You hound dog you!

-jenn

 She’s playing for the men’s team now

But the game is over

They ask her which locker room is funner 

And she says the women’s 

But she looks around and smiles 

There’s nothing better for a former runner

To make the football team

They’re looking for it and they’re getting warmer

But things aren’t what they seem

And if she makes a little money along the way 

She looks around and smiles

Nothing like making a little hay 

While the sun shines

They say the sun never used to shine there

In Seattle where it’s rainy all the time

Somebody told her back when she was feeding cattle in Laredo 

Somebody ought to stick her

Where the sun don’t shine

But it shines there now

There’s nothing better for a former runner

To make the football team

They’re looking for it and they’re getting warmer

But things aren’t what they seem

And if she makes a little money along the way 

She looks around and smiles

Nothing like making a little hay 

While the sun shines

-jenn

 She’s trying to find the room key

In front of the hotel.

She protects her purse like her life is in it.

It’s in that thin metal wallet

With those hundred dollar bills,

But it’s a tell that could get her killed.

Her hazel eyes are dead already.

They have been since 1942,

3 years before she was born.

Her mother was torn 

Between who to marry,

And maybe she chose wrongly, who knows?

But standing in front of her

And behind,

Was her mother, too,

And hers and hers,

Like the fun house mirrors.

You know the kind,

That reflect your own image

Shattered 

A million times over 

And over again,

And a long line of other women

Who’ve stood there, too.

-jenn

 I had a dalliance with disaster 

And in the ashes there I saw

The beauty of creation 

Preservation and destruction 

All as One

One dark dance of Shiva

Is the light of a thousand suns

All is right with the cosmos spinning

All is One

There will be no more duality

For me

No knowledge or ignorance 

Only joy of beholding

Yes and No

As all in One

-jenn

 So you stood me up

For some other girl

Who wanted you 

To drop everything 

And come and do something for her

Now you want to re-seduce me

That’s fine

It may take time

It may take dancing

It may take wine

And chocolates

But don’t give me the flowers

That grew on a hill far away

That someone cut with a knife

I’ll feel the strife of that day

Those flowers died 

Just like I do

With you

Today

-jenn